I believe it is hard to change all of these patterns, but the hardest, by default, would have to be competitive symmetry. In the book, the relationship between a parent and child is used as an example of rigid complementarity. I believe this makes that pattern easiest to change because as children become adults their parents have less influence over them. I also believe that submissive symmetry is a bit easier to change. It is a behavior that seems to be born out of politeness unlike competitive symmetry, which seems to be more certain people’s human nature.
I also believe that competitive symmetry would be most damaging to a relationship and to the self esteems of the individuals involved. Of the three patterns mentioned, it is the only one that is overtly defined by fighting. The fighting of competitive symmetry is not in search of a solution, so much as it is to be the winner. This seems more aggressively damaging than the other patterns.
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In my first post I also said that I believe competitive symmetry would be the hardest to change. I never took into consideration that this is the only relationship role that was defined by fighting but I am sure in these types of relationships fighting is something that happens often. It is interesting to learn about relationships in such a concrete way. When I think of relationship I just think of it as a learn as your go type of thing. It never occurred to me that there are actual lessons taught about the different types of relationships and what happens to whom if you do certain things. I do not know if I like that relationships are drawn out for us, I think I would rather just live it without rules and if I fall into the rules then so be it. Sorry if that was super confusing =]
ReplyDeleteHi THELITTLETOMATOE:
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post. You know, when I was reading through this section of the chapter and reflecting in order to write my post, I'd never considered rigid complementarity in the same way as you. You stated "I believe this makes that pattern easiest to change because as children become adults their parents have less influence over them." Once I read your post it seemed like an "aha! duh!" moment, but, for me, I saw so many of these opportunities for change to require some sort of formal intervention (i.e. Counseling) that I hadn't considered the sheer fact of maturity and managing relationship patterns as we age, especially with our parents. Those, along with out expectations of them are constantly shifting. I appreciate what you had to offer.
(: gunnerisfunner